Ladies, Read on: The Truth about the Birds and the Bees (Part II)

The good news is, even though almost every man put a paramount importance on looks, different guys have different physical standards for beauty (albeit the degree of difference between what’s considered hot and what’s considered not is quite narrow because there exists a universal “guideline” to evaluate physical beauty in women). The even better news is that it is possible to offset the male’s emphasis on looks by banking on other qualities, such as personality, talent, fame and money. The ease of the substitution largely depends on the individual males.


But don’t get me wrong, a lot guys still put so much emphasis on the physical. If you have got the right looks and bodies, you could have won more than half the battles in winning most guys’ hearts. Yet, don’t mistake having the right “equipments” as a guarantee that you will win the war, for even if you have won 60% of the battle simply because of your looks, you can still lose 80% of it due to a massive lack of the other positive human virtues. Even though physical beauty is important, it is NOT the only quality men seek in women.

The best news is, I firmly believe that virtually every woman can look a LOT better than they currently do if they would simply try. It is simply amazing how much cosmetic technology has advanced. Problem is, a lot of women don’t even bother to try. And then they accuse us, men, of being shallow. It’s not our fault. We can’t help it. We don’t have any choice but to feel initial attraction to beautiful and sexy women. It is our wiring. Its built-in. We are helpless. We are also the victim of this tendency. Call us dogs. Call us pigs. It won’t change anything.

So ladies, please don’t try to fight it. Work around it. And truth be told, as long as a girl is above a certain standard of attractiveness (e.g. when most guys can say she is cute or attractive), the importance of looks will diminish greatly, and then it’s all about the personality and intelligence. And I think most women can certainly be considered attractive if only they would simply TRY.

Moral of the story: I hope the message is loud and clear. Ladies, beautify yourselves. Wear nice clothes. Accesorize. Study fashion. Visit your favorite beauty salon. Get yourself a manicure, pedicure, facial, etc. Wear perfumes. Use make up. Slim down, Work out. Sculpt your bodies. Take up aerobics, Pilates, Yoga, Tae-bo, and don’t forget to take a shower afterwards. Try to look as pretty as you can. After you have realized all your potential for physical beauty, maximize all other positive non-physical qualities. Be miss congeniality. Be as sweet as the Little Red Riding Hood. Be compassionate. Be sensitive. Be seductive. Be a millionaire. Be famous for curing AIDS. Be a celebrity. Win the Nobel Prize. I think I represent most guys when I say that we appreciate ladies who actually try and put the extra mile to be as pretty and as best as they can be. Most of us notice the extra effort and we value that highly. You can really score major brownie points here.

Guys, did I miss anything else? If I did, feel free to add in on the comments section. If there are some of you who would like to write me hate mails, please do so at the comments sections. Or if there are any ladies who want to thank me or send me love notes (only ladies are eligible to send love notes, guys are encouraged to express their admiration and gratuity in other forms), please do so as well.

Blazing Redfish

Ladies, Read on: The Truth about the Birds and the Bees (Part I)

’Tis was just a morning like any other morning. I was sitting quietly on the toilet, doing my business peacefully. I usually unload my industrial-sized dumps -of which can make an elephant blush- in the mornings. That day was no exception. My mind drifted to a conversation that I previously had with a very good buddy of mine (Mr. Agedashi Dofu from the lawyer’s dilemma; he is a great guy, and his thoughts DESERVE to be heard).

Ladies, read on and pay attention. I am about to let you in on a little secret about the male psyche that undoubtedly will serve you better in life. The truth might not be pleasant, but I will present the whole of it in its rawest form, as ugly as it is. My buddy and I were talking about the love and hate relationship between the fair sex and the fairer sex (aka. men and women). No, we were not talking bout anything dirty. But sorry to get your hopes up.


Countless women have accused us, men, of being shallow. Women accuse men of only caring about the psychical beauty: beautiful face, shapely booty, and the rest of the female’s numerical measurements besides IQ. And guess what. With the risk of being called an asshole (And I have been called anything, from cina to crazy to asshole, with the middle somehow being the most common lately, but please feel free to form your own opinion), I am going to say that we are indeed shallow. Even though women are not anywhere close to being pure themselves (I can testify that they fart too, albeit mostly not in public, and their farts smell as bad as mine), they are well-justified in calling us shallow bastards. Both men and women have different tendency towards shallowness. I am going to focus on the shallowness of men (Ladies, please be patient for your turn to enjoy the spotlight might be coming up soon).

I am convinced that both men and women have a specific blueprint for what can trigger the attraction mechanism. This blueprint has been deeply ingrained in us since the time our ancestors were still swinging on trees. Long story short, for the present day men, this mechanism is physical beauty. The first things that most men notice and search for in women (consciously and unconsciously) are pretty faces and bodies straight from the centerfold of Maxim. Once they see these, they can’t help but feel attracted.

Men are visual creatures, and we focus on the physical on a much greater degree than women do. Although there are exceptions to every rule (including this one), this is a universal truth that applies to a great majority of men in the universe. Just as certain as gravity, a pretty face and a C-cup (some guys I know prefer B’s and others, D’s) will turn the heads of most guys as quickly and as certainly as the apple that fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s lap. Good thing Mr. Newton was not napping under a durian tree.

Ladies, here’s another little secret for you. I am going to put it as blunt and as truthful as it is. When guys are talking about women (the “boys talk”), 99% of the time we are not talking about your inner beauty. Sorry, but that’s the truth. We are probably discussing about your appearances and measurements in graphic details. So when you encounter a member of the male species telling you that looks don’t matter to him, get ready to run away. Better yet, grab your bottle of pepper spray. For even though it is possible that he is a member of the aforementioned very rare exception, odds are that he is either a sleazy-lying-demon-wolf-king in a sheep’s clothing or he is a spineless coward to afraid of you to admit this truth (some women intimidate men, if you are one of them, more power to you).

And I can even assure you that most of the guys you know aren’t as holy as they seem in front of you. You deserve to know that. But there is still good news. What is it? Stay tuned…

To be continued…

A Lawyer’s Legal Dilemma: What would you do (Part II - End)?

The meeting went well. They have just agreed on declaring the bankruptcy. You saw your law firm partners shaking hands with the CEO of the said company and with the investment bankers. The CFO is talking with a junior partner from your firm. They were all smiling and laughing. Right after they sealed the deal that would destroy the lives and hopes of so many people. They did not even appear the slightest bit concerned. They are now talking about dinner at New York city’s finest restaurant. And also about going sailing in the CEO’s private yacht.

You imagine the CEO going back to his office. He was greeted by the warm smile of Bob, the doorman, 15 years loyal to the company. The CEO nodded and smiled and asked how Bob was doing. He took the elevator to his majestic room and was greeted by the radiant smile of Jane, his secretary. He asked how her grandchildren were doing. Jane excitedly told him how they had already started walking. He pretended like he cared. They do not know about the plan to declare bankruptcy yet. In the back of his mind he knows that he has sealed the fate of these people. The very people whom he worked with on a daily basis and who respect him every single day. All for personal gain. Yet he keeps smiling contently.

Your thoughts drifted back to you. What should you do? Can you sleep peacefully knowing what you now know? Should you quit your job or should you kiss your conscience good bye? You remember that you have racked close to $150,000 in debt for financing your law school education. And this job pays that much amount every year. Without this job, it will probably take you more than ten years to pay off your debt. You think of moving to another law firm. But you quickly realize that news travels fast. You will be branded as the goody two shoes, and probably no Wall-street firms would hire you. You can potentially take other, non-legal jobs, but that would be more than just a massive pay cut.

Can you really leave this kind of lifestyle, with all the money, prestige, and fame behind? You have never earned this much money in your lifetime. You can now afford to take your parents on vacations, your significant other to visit the romantic places that he/she always desired. Now you can even afford to live up your dreams, to buy anything you have always wanted. A dream car? Your dream house? Designer items? You now command the respect of people, something that you never had before. People are envious of you. For the first time in your life, you feel like you become a somebody. Your dad is so proud of you. He has already told all his buddies that his son/daughter is now a corporate lawyer working for the nation’s top Wall-street firm in Manhattan. Can you break his heart by quitting? Can you actually leave all this glory behind? How about your law school debt? Compared to your present lifestyle, you will be living in poverty if quit this job.

After all, it is not your fault, is it? You did not decide to ruin the lives of these people. You called no shots. You had no choice. You were simply assigned a menial task of document reviews. It wasn’t your hands that were covered in blood. You very well know that had you refuse to do it, someone else will be assigned to it, and the fate of these people will not change one bit.

What would you do? Please tell us.

Blazing Redfish

A Lawyer’s Legal Dilemma: What would you do (Part I)?

This actually happened to a very good friend of mine, so this isn’t from Boston Legal. The details have slightly been altered. No real names will be mentioned. Tell us what you would do.

So, you have just graduated from one of the nation’s premier law schools. Even though you can now officially call yourself a caffeine addict –due to the unearthly amount of coffee you had to drink to last you through the unholy hours of nights during law school- you are now a full-fledged lawyer. And you were lucky enough to get hired as a First Year Associate by a top Wall-street law firm…

To say that you are excited about your new job would be an understatement. Your first case is already assigned to you. Much to your surprise, it is a very high profile case. It was featured in the Wall-street Journal. The name of your law firm was also in it. But your name, of course, was nowhere to be seen. You are determined to do your best and impress the jaded law firm partner that you report to. Of course, as the most junior person on the list, your task was to simply complete the most menial assignments. Nevertheless, you know you are involved in a case that will change the lives of thousands of people.

Here is your case: A gigantic Fortune 100 company is going to claim bankruptcy. By doing so, you understand that the company will be relieved of some of its obligations. One implication of which is that the company will no longer be responsible for returning its employees retirement funds. You know that this company employs tens of thousands of people nationwide. You imagine how devastated the employees would be when they find out that their retirement fund is gone. They depended on this fund.

You imagine how the employees try to save a chunk from their paychecks, month by month, year by year, with the hope of someday enjoying a comfortable retirement. This hope helped them get through their days at work. You imagine Bill from Accounting or Jane the secretary. Both of them have been with the company for 20 years, saving bits of their salary every single year, hoping that they will be able to stand up on their own when they retire. And now the company is setting Bill and Jane aside. What will Bill and Jane (and thousand others) do? They no longer have any savings for retirement. Their own company, for which they have dedicated 20 years of their lives to, has (legally) stolen from them. Flipping burgers at McDonalds until they reach 75? They are simply too old to hold another job.

You also noticed something strange. Why does the company have to resort to bankruptcy? There certainly are other alternatives that are not as devastating. Your further probing reveals that by claiming bankruptcy, the top management of the said company will be compensated more than simply handsomely. The CEO will be richer by tens of millions of dollars. And of course, your law firm will also enjoy a fat share of it.

To be continued…

Commitment to Literary Excellence

Ladies and Gentleman, as you probably have noticed (and will), most of the entries in my blog range from long to LONG to VERY LONG to WTF?? However, I would ask you not to run away intimidated solely by the sheer amount of words. Take your time and try to read one or two posts from beginning to end. If the parts you read (this part does not count) do not strike you as either funny, entertaining, intelligent, thought provoking or worth reading, please feel free to forget about this blog completely. Maybe my style of writing simply does not suit your palate.

But most people, I think, will find the entries here to be worth reading, despite their voluminous nature. So, give it a shot. Summon all your courage and try to read one from start to finish. I will only put my craziest, funniest, and bizarre ramblings and stories. And I am committed on putting only the best materials here.

Blazing Redfish

Tales from the Other World: Tell Us What You Think

When I was a little boy, I was so afraid of the dark. My early childhood was scarred with countless other-worldly tales (aka. ghost stories), mostly told to me by my various babysitters. I now think that legislators should pass an international law requiring certain psychological testing for people intending to be baby sitters. When I was 7, my next door neighbor bought a parrot which made non-stop infernal noises at night. I then proceeded to think that it was my dead dog, calling me to join him from beyond the grave. That left me mentally scarred. For two weeks, I was too scared to take a dump by myself. An escort had to be present in the room at all time when I do my business. Then when I was 8, my mom took me to the morgue to see a dead body from a traffic accident. His eyes were wide open, staring blankly at me. I was then mentally scarred again for another three weeks.

Long before I was born, my mom had to live in an old house in a military compound all by herself. There was no electricity in the house. She was only accompanied by her Shetland Sheep dog. Everyone in the compound feared the house. It was a haunted house. She had to keep changing maids because very few of them could last more than a week. Most of them cried hysterically in the morning because they heard laugher, cries, footsteps, knocks at night. Strangely, my mom never hears or sees anything. Everyone around her was dumbfounded, and concluded that she must have a “gift”.

In high school, when we were out on vacation, my maid insisted that for two nights straight she was strangled by a Gendoruwo (a huge, local Indonesian ghosts) in our living room and had to read two holy verses from the Koran (Islam’s holy book). I decided to get to know this Gendoruwo. I sat alone at night in the living room, lights off with the tv on. An hour passed by. I managed to prove the existence of a new strain of rabid, possessed mosquitoes that only feed in the dark, but not of the Gendoruwo.

Regardless, every country has its own version of local ghosts. Every town and every university have their own “haunted” buildings. If ghosts are ghosts, then how come there are different species of them, based on their geographic locations? I used to think that there is a certain mechanism governing what kind of ghosts a person can be, based on her citizenship, because if she is an American, then she can be a banshee or a vampire, but not a Sundel Bolong. Certainly, a Tuyul has never been seen in the US, has it?

Yet, the Catholic Church and almost every religion believe in ghosts. The Pope assigned a committee in every country, in charge of performing the holy rite of Exorcism (a Catholic ceremony to get rid of the demon that possessed a person, just like in the movie Exorcist). In Singapore, there are places that offer “Ghostbusting” services. Some claimed to be affiliated with Buddhism, and other with Taoism. Singapore Paranormal Investigators have attempted to explore the existence of Kuntilanak, using rather sophisticated technology: http://www.spi.com.sg/

Despite the controversy, what do you guys think? Are there ghosts out there? Do you have any theories regarding their existence? If you have any encounters with one (or more) please share with us.

Blazing Redfish

This is why sometimes I can’t sleep at night…

This is why sometimes I can’t sleep at night. Not because I am afraid of the dark, but mostly because my puny little mind won’t shut up. Despite my constant military style attempts to bark orders to put it to sleep, my mind has its own will. And it likes to just keep turning its wheel full speed late at night. Maybe it wants to try to discover the secrets of the universe that no man has ever unveiled. Maybe it is trying hard to figure out which great leader I was in my previous life (some evidences support the hypothesis that at some point I was Kubilai Khan). Maybe it is working hard to bring my dream of world domination closer to fruition. Or maybe, simply because I just had to take a leak, but too much of a lazy ass to just get up and do it. Who knows.

Regardless. I think I owe it to the world to share my mildly (just mildly, mind you) retarded ramblings, whatever thoughts or parts of distant memories that my pea-sized brain decides to play. Yes, the world deserves to hear my important thoughts.

So, heed carefully. Reflect on it. Dream on it. Meditate on the wisdom that I spout forth for you will become a much better person because of it. Your life will be a lot happier and much more fulfilling. You will be able to answer great cosmic questions such as “why are there sufferings in this world” or “why is the toilet always full whenever I needed it the most”. You might eventually be able to uncover the secrets of the very fabric of existence itself.

Okay. Those are probably way too much of a promise that is far beyond my ability to ever keep. You might not discover that you were Gandhi in the previous life, but just read anyway. Most likely it will give you a chuckle or two. And please don’t hesitate to leave your marks or your comments while you are at it.

So, stay tuned…

Blazing Redfish