Ladies, Read on: The Truth about the Birds and the Bees (Part I)

’Tis was just a morning like any other morning. I was sitting quietly on the toilet, doing my business peacefully. I usually unload my industrial-sized dumps -of which can make an elephant blush- in the mornings. That day was no exception. My mind drifted to a conversation that I previously had with a very good buddy of mine (Mr. Agedashi Dofu from the lawyer’s dilemma; he is a great guy, and his thoughts DESERVE to be heard).

Ladies, read on and pay attention. I am about to let you in on a little secret about the male psyche that undoubtedly will serve you better in life. The truth might not be pleasant, but I will present the whole of it in its rawest form, as ugly as it is. My buddy and I were talking about the love and hate relationship between the fair sex and the fairer sex (aka. men and women). No, we were not talking bout anything dirty. But sorry to get your hopes up.


Countless women have accused us, men, of being shallow. Women accuse men of only caring about the psychical beauty: beautiful face, shapely booty, and the rest of the female’s numerical measurements besides IQ. And guess what. With the risk of being called an asshole (And I have been called anything, from cina to crazy to asshole, with the middle somehow being the most common lately, but please feel free to form your own opinion), I am going to say that we are indeed shallow. Even though women are not anywhere close to being pure themselves (I can testify that they fart too, albeit mostly not in public, and their farts smell as bad as mine), they are well-justified in calling us shallow bastards. Both men and women have different tendency towards shallowness. I am going to focus on the shallowness of men (Ladies, please be patient for your turn to enjoy the spotlight might be coming up soon).

I am convinced that both men and women have a specific blueprint for what can trigger the attraction mechanism. This blueprint has been deeply ingrained in us since the time our ancestors were still swinging on trees. Long story short, for the present day men, this mechanism is physical beauty. The first things that most men notice and search for in women (consciously and unconsciously) are pretty faces and bodies straight from the centerfold of Maxim. Once they see these, they can’t help but feel attracted.

Men are visual creatures, and we focus on the physical on a much greater degree than women do. Although there are exceptions to every rule (including this one), this is a universal truth that applies to a great majority of men in the universe. Just as certain as gravity, a pretty face and a C-cup (some guys I know prefer B’s and others, D’s) will turn the heads of most guys as quickly and as certainly as the apple that fell on Sir Isaac Newton’s lap. Good thing Mr. Newton was not napping under a durian tree.

Ladies, here’s another little secret for you. I am going to put it as blunt and as truthful as it is. When guys are talking about women (the “boys talk”), 99% of the time we are not talking about your inner beauty. Sorry, but that’s the truth. We are probably discussing about your appearances and measurements in graphic details. So when you encounter a member of the male species telling you that looks don’t matter to him, get ready to run away. Better yet, grab your bottle of pepper spray. For even though it is possible that he is a member of the aforementioned very rare exception, odds are that he is either a sleazy-lying-demon-wolf-king in a sheep’s clothing or he is a spineless coward to afraid of you to admit this truth (some women intimidate men, if you are one of them, more power to you).

And I can even assure you that most of the guys you know aren’t as holy as they seem in front of you. You deserve to know that. But there is still good news. What is it? Stay tuned…

To be continued…